How to cultivate peace in uncertain times

On a recent Saturday afternoon, I made a fall-inspired soup that made the whole house smell like warm apples, butternut squash and cinnamon. I felt comforted by these scents and nurtured by my act of self-care. I noticed how it made the house feel cozier, my breath slower and my body more at ease.  

The senses are mighty. This one simmering pot of soup became a powerful gateway to feeling safe, secure and grounded; it also unlocked another pleasant memory of a time when I felt this way. 

In my mind, I floated back a few years ago to me coming home to my mom, cooking in my kitchen. It was an October afternoon. The smell of chicken soup greeted me as I saw her smiling and bouncing around the kitchen in her apron. She was completely in her element. I instantly felt comforted by it all—her presence, the scents, the afternoon sunlight pouring through the windows, the sound of daytime television streaming from the living room, how the stove warmed the whole house. In that moment, what I felt most was comfort.  

At the time, I was going through several major life transitions. I was adjusting to my first semester of graduate school in counseling, while simultaneously grappling with a new medical diagnosis and treatment that was impacting my quality of life. Every day I felt like I had the flu. Then the next unexpected wave hit. I was barely halfway through my first semester when I suddenly became bedridden with unexplainable fever, fatigue and weakness for three weeks. Terrified and confused, I felt like the ground was crumbling beneath me.  

What helped alleviate the uncertainty was my mom, who flew across the country to take care of me. Having her there gave me something to hold onto, something familiar. Food in my family is love, and so her cooking also made me feel nurtured and cared for. And that’s why this memory of my mom cooking in the kitchen sticks out so much for me; it was a rare moment in a sea of uncertainty where I felt that I was going to be okay.  

Uncertainty is a difficult emotion for so many reasons. It leaves us feeling groundless and grasping for control. The loss of one’s health is also a stark reminder that we actually have less control than we think we do.  

Lately, when life feels uncertain, I find myself closing my eyes and returning to that memory of my mom in the kitchen. I try to imagine myself back there, connecting to all the pleasant senses of that memory and the emotions I felt.  

In EMDR, we call this Calm Peaceful Place. The guided visualization leads the client in recalling a calm peaceful place—real or imagined—and walks them through engaging in all the senses of that place and the emotions they feel. It’s one of several techniques used to help clients find balance and soothe themselves when a difficult emotion or memory arises or to stabilize and calm themselves after processing traumatic events in therapy.

We all have moments in our life when it feels like we are standing on shaky ground. During times of uncertainty, it’s natural to long to feel safe, secure and protected. Going to a Calm Peaceful Place in your mind can help bring you back to center by accessing imagery that helps you activate and embody pleasant emotions. 

This skill is especially important for those who have a trauma history. It’s common for survivors to struggle with feeling pleasant emotions or remembering a positive time in their life. Calm Peaceful Place is one doorway into safely beginning to feel those pleasant emotions and sensations again, and recalling those pleasant experiences. It can feel so empowering to know that when difficult emotions or disturbing memories arise, you can shift your emotional state by using the Calm Peaceful Place technique. This exercise is also ideal for those struggling with anxiety or experiencing stress.  

Calm Peaceful Place Guided Exercise

Below is a script and audio version that you can follow to create your own Calm Peaceful Place. It’s important that when you choose your Calm Peaceful Place that it is not associated with anything negative. Do not proceed with the exercise if you cannot think of a place not attached to something negative. If any difficult feelings arise at any point during the exercise, stop the exercise. You may need the help of a trusted and skilled therapist to guide you.  

• Begin by taking a few cleansing breaths, inhaling slowly through the nose and exhaling slowly through the mouth.  

• If it feels comfortable, close your eyes and just notice how your body is feeling. Notice the areas where you feel tension, where you feel relaxed and where you feel neutral.  

• Feel your body’s points of contact. So that may be your feet connected to the floor, your back resting against a chair or a wall, your hands resting on your legs.  

• Now think of a place that helps you feel calm, peaceful, and grounded. The place can be either real or imagined, somewhere you’ve been to in the past or would like to go to in the future. If you’re having trouble thinking of a place, try starting with a pleasant memory.  

• Allow yourself to begin to picture this calm peaceful place and let the details of this setting begin to emerge.  

• For the next few minutes, engage all of the five senses in your calm peaceful place.  

• First, notice the colors, the landscape, your surroundings, any objects that call your attention. Notice what time of year it is, time of day… notice what you see as you explore your calm peaceful place. 

• Notice any textures you feel, perhaps the temperature of your calm peaceful place, the clothes you’re wearing there, the ground beneath your feet, anything you might be holding in your hands… 

• Notice any peaceful, pleasant sounds… 

• Notice any pleasant scents, allow yourself to inhale and take in those scents and their calming effects… 

• Notice any sense of taste… maybe you’re drinking or eating a favorite beverage or snack or simply taking in the fresh air.

• Take a moment to notice how you feel in your calm peaceful place. What emotions do you feel? How does your body feel–maybe it feels light, open? Do a scan from head to toe and see what you notice and what pleasant sensations you are experiencing.   

• Finally, is there anything else that your calm peaceful place needs to help you feel calm and grounded? Any objects you’d like to bring to your place to help you feel secure. Maybe you’d like to have a favorite book with you or journal. A favorite sweater or blanket. Any animals or symbols from nature that are comforting.  

• Give your calm peaceful place a name. It can be as simple as “beach” or “mountain.” In my example above, I named my calm peaceful place “mom cooking.” Say the name of your calm peaceful place aloud or to yourself, and notice how you feel. 

• Take a few more minutes to let yourself sink into the experience of your calm peaceful place and savor it for as long as you need.  

• When you’re ready, slowly begin to reconnect with your breath. Take a few slow, soothing breaths. Begin to move your fingers and toes. Bring your attention back to the room you’re in and notice the sounds around you. Slowly open your eyes and orient yourself by looking at the objects around you.  

• Take a moment to notice how you feel and just sit with that for a minute or so. Try not to rush off to the next thing.  

• Know that you can return to this place at any point in your day and any time that you need it. You can practice this exercise throughout the day by calling up in your mind your Calm Peaceful Place for a minute or two or doing the full exercise from beginning to end. It can also be used before bedtime to help wind down from the day.  

---

Need more support? I offer virtual counseling appointments to residents in North Carolina. Contact me today to set up a free phone consultation.