Let’s talk about shame. Shame is not only an emotion we feel, but also a negative belief we think and physically feel in our bodies. It can feel powerful and all-consuming, even crushing at times. It also is common for those who have experienced trauma to feel shame.
But here’s the thing: You are not failing. You are human.
Experiencing shame does not make you a “bad person.” It makes you human. We all have experiences that shape our lives, how we see ourselves, how we see others and how we see the world. We can’t change the events that happened in our lives. What we can do is learn how to undo the shame that became a by-product of our experiences.
To begin to reduce shame, we can start by naming it for what it is (e.g., “This is shame.”) and increasing compassion for ourselves—in other words, what you say to yourself and how you say it. It matters.
Imagine if someone you care for said “I am such a failure.” What would you say to them? What tone of voice would you use?
How can you speak to yourself with more kindness and tenderness to bring more self-compassion to what you are going through? How can you speak to yourself the way you would to a dear friend?
I am in the process of understanding shame and learning how to let go of it.
I am doing the best I can.
I am good enough.
I am worthy.
I am not failing. I am human.